“Sometimes we ask the world for a break when it’s actually our minds that we should be asking.”
I think before we dive into today’s post, I need to explain where I’ve been these past few months/years. Both mentally and emotionally. Let’s take it back to the spring of 2019…
Spring 2019
After having been in Austin for almost two years, Nathan and I began planning our wedding along with a highly-anticipated move to New York City. We got engaged in the city in the fall of 2018 and every month leading up to the new year became one big blur. In fact, all the months leading up to our wedding in May of 2019 were a BIG blur. Amidst all the excitement and joy, we also had a list of other things in life requesting our time. Apart from planning a wedding and a big move to another city, Nate and I were both working non-stop. I received a promotion and took a few trips for work to both San Francisco and New York. Nate took a trip overseas for work. We flew to NYC for our wedding. We moved to a new apartment in Austin. We traveled to Missouri for our second wedding reception to celebrate with the rest of Nate’s family. Traveled to Amarillo for Nate’s sister’s wedding, celebrated my dad’s 70th birthday back in Austin, flew to Los Angeles for Nate’s birthday, traveled to Amarillo for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and flew to New York to find our apartment. Needless to say, our 2019 was BUSY. Wow. After reading over that again, I almost want to take a few big deep breaths. lol.
Winter 2020
After an entirely booked 2019, we finally set off for the big city in January of 2020. Beyond excited, hopeful, and looking forward to a fresh new start, a new place to call home, and a time to settle in and rest after what was quite possibly one of the busiest years of our lives. For a little more context on our decision to move to New York, you can read more about it here.
Nathan used to visit me in NYC when I first lived there. (From 2015-2017) Long-distance was zero fun for both of us, which was one of the main reasons I decided to move back to Texas after two years in New York, and join him in Austin. (We both love Austin and still talk about our time there often! Those two years were so special for us. We dated there, spent our time as an engaged couple there, and then spent our first few months as newlyweds in Austin. It will always be dear to our hearts.) With all the love that I had for Austin, I still always felt as though I left part of my heart in New York. Our move back (my move back) felt so incredibly special because this time I would be sharing it with Nathan. The times he visited made him fall in love with New York too. I, on the other hand, was completely infatuated with it. (Still am and always will be.) This move was my biggest dream come true, and I was so excited that I could burst. I was so ready to show Nate my New York.
COVID
There are so many things that I could say here, but it’s still a bit difficult for me to put in words the things that we felt and experienced last year. I plan to write a whole post on our experience someday, but I’ll leave you with this for now. Experiencing the pandemic in New York City (my favorite city) was equal parts devastating, inspiring, heartbreaking, and beautiful. I genuinely believe that the experience helped shape and mold Nathan and me into who we are today. It helped us see that we are much stronger than we thought we were, and most importantly, we can overcome any crisis and curveball that life might throw our way if we have each other. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything in the world, and I love NYC that much more because of it.
Winter 2021
Near the end of 2020, Nathan and I made the difficult decision to leave New York City and start over somewhere closer to family. We headed west to a city that we had both never experienced before. We both wanted somewhere new where we could reset. We bought a car, rented a house, and moved to beautiful Colorado. A sentence that I never thought I would be typing. We came to the mountains looking for an escape and looking for clarity. And also in search of much-needed rest. But, I need to be honest with you…I miss New York like you wouldn’t believe. I have felt so sad over the past couple of months since our move here. I feel silly even sharing this. Please don’t get me wrong, there are so many bigger things that others are dealing with right now that make my regret of leaving New York so small in hindsight. And Colorado is such a beautiful place, and it’s been such a blessing that we were even able to move here. It’s breathtaking here, and I still can’t believe that the Rocky Mountains are basically in our backyard. But…I miss New York. I also know that I needed this move.
The Silver Lining
I can truthfully say that since the fall of 2018, I’ve been going off auto-pilot. Things began happening at such a fast pace that I had to just run with it. It quickly became my norm to be busy, always rushing about, and frequently on the go. Moving from one thing to the next. An engagement, travel for work, a promotion, a wedding, a move to a new apartment, a trip to California, a family wedding, the holidays, a move to New York, surviving a pandemic, a move to another state… I completely broke down when we arrived in Denver out of sheer burnout. In case you’ve been wondering why things got a little quieter than usual over here.
In New York, I had been holding in all of my sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion. The moment that we got to Colorado, it was as though a wave washed over me and allowed me to feel everything all at once. I was overwhelmed by it all and didn’t realize just how much I had been holding in. I never quite allowed myself to feel sadness in New York because I thought I needed to stay strong. Colorado has already saved me in more ways than one. I needed this move, and I didn’t even know just how much I needed it. Our new home has been a place of refuge, healing, and peace. It’s been a safe space for my heart and soul.
I have been viewing our time here in Colorado as a time for rest, a time for regrouping, and a time for healing. I’ve even joked with Nathan and have said that this is almost like our mini-sabbatical. In other words, it’s a time for us to take leave from New York for a little while. It’s a time to just BE.
Even though a part of me is filled with regret, another part of me is hopeful and confident in our choice to be here. I’m also so proud of us for coming together as a couple and making the decision that we made. After a pressing year, we did what felt right to us at the time. Despite my sadness in the way this past year unfolded, I’m choosing to stay positive and count the many blessings we have. I’m opening my heart and pressing into the things this year is trying to teach me. 2020 taught me so many lessons that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.
Lessons Learned:
- The importance of community
- The power that comes from resilient hearts
- Never take anything in life for granted
- Finding a new thirst towards embracing slow living
- Seeking beauty in the everyday moments
- Choosing joy daily despite the circumstances
- Entering into each new day with a grateful heart
- Always placing things in perspective
- Connecting on a deeper level with my sweet husband Nathan
- Leaning into family, friends, and my faith for comfort and strength
- Following your heart always, always, always
- Trusting
I realize that all of this was a lot to cover in one post, and I plan on peeling back the layers in future posts to come. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support and love. And for following along throughout our journey.
On that note, I’m open and ready to embrace the lessons that this new year holds and looking forward to what’s in store. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to choose joy, live life to the fullest every day, enjoy Colorado and the mountains and closer proximity to family, and send one last message to my favorite city…
It’s not goodbye New York, it’s see you later. We’ll be back. ❤️
